That it is a much safer and more positive experience for some people than it is for others.
"Coming out can be a wonderful part of affirming your sexuality, but it's vital to remember LGBT charity Stonewall UK says: "The process of coming out can be very different for everyone and it can take some time to get to a point where you feel comfortable and confident enough to have those conversations with people."īarker and Hancock stress that nobody should ever pressure you to come out. 'Coming out' means sharing with others that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans. There's no 'one true way' of being bisexual, of expressing queerness, or of doing heterosexual sex, for example." Also it's important to remember that each label still encompasses many different ways of experiencing and embodying sexuality. But it's fine to find a certain label fits for a while and then find it doesn't fit so well over time, or that a different one fits better. "The disadvantage of labels is when we cling to them too tightly and believe that we're stuck in that place once we've labelled ourselves. But there are some downsides of labels too. Giving people the language that helps them make sense of their experiences is a great thing. These names can be helpful, say Barker and Hancock, as they reinforce that sexuality has many dimensions. In recent years, there's been a huge proliferation of new labels around sexuality - with terms to describe different kinds of bisexuality, asexuality and the kinds of sex people prefer. A trans person can be straight, gay, bisexual or asexual. This may correspond to the sex assigned at birth (cis) or it may not (trans - the 'T' in LGBT). Gender identity is about a person's innate sense of their own gender, whether that's male, female, or non-binary. "This thinking also leaves out many other vital dimensions of our sexuality, such as how strongly we feel sexual attraction if at all, what roles we like to take sexually, what kinds of sensations we like, and what kinds of fantasies we have," explain Barker and Hancock.Īnother myth is that sexual orientation and gender identity are the same thing. "Unfortunately medics, psychologists and therapists from the nineteenth century onwards got hooked on the idea that the most important thing about our sexuality was whether we had sex with men or women," reveal the duo, whose book 'Enjoy Sex' aims to be a practical guide to the often confusing topics of sex and sexuality.īut actually, many people are attracted to more than one gender (bisexuality), or find that gender isn't that important to who they are attracted to (pansexuality). Another is that if you find yourself fancying someone of the same sex, it means you're definitely gay. Sex educators Meg-John Barker and Justin Hancock, who have a podcast about sex and relationships, explain that one of the biggest misconceptions about sexuality is that it's just about which gender we're attracted to. There are lots of myths about sexuality, leaving many of us confused.